4 Kids...

I love being a mom. It is the best and most challenging undertaking imaginable. It also enriches my life more than I could possibly explain or imagine.

I did say it was challenging. Right? Because boy is it ever. I feel like I fail in so many ways, so often(thankfully we have new mornings each day to try again). Having three kids was a huge and difficult adjustment for me. It was a little overwhelming- so I was nervous to have our fourth. I was told if I could do 3 then I could do 10. And while I don't think that is entirely accurate... I do feel like I am already use to a certain amount of chaos and so adding another to the mix doesn't change things too much.

But our babies are always fussy. Ty was certainly no exception and maybe even more fussy than any of them (besides Brig...he takes the cake as far as fussy babies go). I even cut out dairy completely from my diet (which made a big difference) to try and help. So this baby phase is difficult and sometimes feel like we aren't really making progress- we are just keeping our heads above water.

So why. Why on earth would we have so many kids if they are so difficult?

A couple reasons. The pendulum swings both ways- super challenging...but super rewarding. Sometimes I feel so much love for these little people that I think my heart might burst. I can't imagine anything in the world that could possibly come close to recreating this kind of happiness. I honestly don't think anything compares- this is Heavenly Father's plan- families. And we are most likely to find true happiness when we follow His plan.

That is the biggest reason...the rest are just icing.

I love toddlers. I will be sad when I am done having babies. I will even miss the hours I spend pacing the floor and their demands that I...and only I...hold them constantly. But I will be devastated when I am done having toddlers (good thing I like them even as they get older!) That's kind of a silly reason...but seriously...it's true. 

I want my children to be best friends...as kids, as teenagers and especially as adults. I want them to have such a tight, loving and safe circle of strength in their siblings. And I think that a large family only increases the likelihood of that happening.

So yes, 4 kids is a lot. And yes, I do want more children. And yes, my hands are full...but my heart is overflowing- and I am so eternally grateful that Heavenly Father has entrusted me to be the mother of these beautiful people that I love so much.